Over the past ten years, I’ve really enjoyed getting to know several new mothers (and watching them become veteran mothers) because I’ve been able to see firsthand the decisions that are part of parenting. I’ve seen these moms grapple with breastfeeding versus bottle feeding versus formula, babies sleeping in the bed or in their crib, working full-time or part-time or from home, letting them cry it out or holding and carrying and rocking. Unfortunately, not all parents put this much thought into their parenting. Which brings me to the second worst reason for doing something: “Well that’s parents did x, and I turned out okay.” I dislike this reasoning mainly because people providing this as an excuse often didn’t turn out okay. You’ve got some half-drunk violent guy in a worn-out tank top saying, “Well, my pa whooped me, and it made me a man.” Yeah, that’s convincing.
I think my parents did a fine job raising the four of us. We did, for the most part, turn out okay (I won’t say we turned out “fine” because that has an ambiguous connotation in our family). When I have children, I’m sure many of the decisions I make will be informed by how they raised me. But I also won’t be afraid to do things differently if I think it makes sense. When Wes was little, his parents strapped him into the back seat of a car with a sheet because child seats hadn’t really been introduced. I hardly think they will recommend that we do the same. Doctors used to tell parents to put infants to sleep on their bellies because they were afraid babies would choke on their spit-up otherwise. Now, SIDS research shows that infant mortality is reduced if babies go to sleep on their backs.
It seems that in child rearing, there are a few things that are right or wrong, some things that are better or just okay (and open to great debate), and a lot of things that just depend on the parents and the child. I only hope I figure it out as well as my “mommy mentors” have.
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