Anticipation

Monday is my first day back to school. I know what many of you are thinking -- didn't you just finish six weeks ago? And yes, we did. That's all the longer our summer is. I realize it seems enticingly long to those who don't get a summer vacation anymore (perish the thought), but in a town where summer break is usually 10 weeks, six go by very, very quickly, especially when two of them are spent on school-related meetings and workshops.

I'm not sure how I feel about going back right now. Part of me is excited because I do enjoy the creative part of teaching. I have lots of ideas about what I'll do differently this year, how I will be a better teacher. I'm really looking forward to seeing my girls again and teaching a whole new grade that's been hearing about me. But part of me looks at the schedule for PD (professional development, i.e. meetings with other teachers) and winces. It's great to have so much time to prepare, but it's not individual time or even self-scheduled meetings with other teachers. It's all planned, prepared, organized meetings that will invariably result in no change to the culture of the school and/or add more work to already overflowing plates.

My sister Laura went through a period as a new teacher of getting sick every Sunday night in anticipation of Monday morning. I, too, often experience sleeplessness on Sunday night when my mind is racing with the school week. I think I'll be okay tomorrow night, but if you hear someone rolling or gritting her teeth, think of Laura and all the teachers who are readying themselves for the first day back. Sometime anticipation is the worst part.