What's the word

My friend Kim and several of her blogging buddies have been ringing in the new year by choosing a word for their year. The concept originated, evidently, from Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Love, Pray. When Kim started her blog, back in 2007, she considered the word "create" for herself -- something she has since then done in the form of her darling Amelia. I read through the comments and found my own word for that year. I wrote, on July 28, 2007, "My word is probably CHOOSE. Because I've done a poor job choosing in my life, and I have a hard time choosing well...". I'm happy to say that I've become better at choosing since then. That was a hard year for me, in ways. I was in an odd job -- or a series of odd jobs -- since I wasn't teaching. Wes was an intern, a hard year for all new doctors. It was our first year in a new city. I was reconsidering pretty much all my life choices that year.

The inside of Wes's wedding ring says, "I choose you." I wanted something that would be romantic but not sappy. Life, like marriage, is a daily choice. Mind you, I don't wake up each day and say, "Do I still want to be married to this person?" and consider leaving if I respond "no." It means, day to day, I make a choice to try to make my marriage one that I love to be in. I choose to do my part to make our marriage work. I choose Wes to be my confidant before anyone else. It's something I've learned to do better since we've married, and each year it brings us closer together. I had to learn the same thing about my life. I started to realize that I didn't need any one thing to be happy -- I needed to open myself up to the possibilities and find happiness in the choices I made. That year when I questioned my choices was the same year I began this blog -- something that has brought me happiness in the years since.

My word for this year is "faith" or "believe." As I get older, I find myself worrying more. Perhaps it comes with motherhood, I don't know. I want to do like my mom says, and find the joy in life, but sometimes I feel like I'm waiting for things to go wrong. I wonder how life can be so good, and I'm fearful of things turning on me. On the one hand, I know that recognizing my own blessings means I value them more, but on the other hand, it prevents me from living in the joy that exists in my world. I want to believe that life just can be this good sometimes. I want to have faith that when things do get hard, I will, with the love and support of those around me, handle whatever comes my way.