Friending

A few weeks before Wes and I moved to Nashville, I decided to look up a childhood friend on Facebook and see what she was up to. I'd looked for her before, I think, but couldn't find her under her maiden name. I tried again and had more luck. Imagine my surprise when I found that this friend, whom I'd seen briefly in college but hadn't really spent time with since middle school, was living in Nashville, Tennessee. Once we became Facebook "friends," I found out that she was a nurse in the children's emergency department at Vanderbilt. Seriously -- what are the odds?

Melissa and I have reunited since we got to Nashville. We've spent hours sitting and talking and looking at photos and laughing about how crazy it is that we found each other this way. She is the same sweet, fun, energizing personality I remember but -- reasonably -- so much more mature and grown-up and intense as a personality. We would have been fast friends had we met as adults. We've been to the flea market together, taken Oliver to a toy store. If I can talk her into it, we're going to the movies when a new film opens in a few weeks (I need someone to see movies with me that Wes doesn't want to see!). I've met her husband, who is wonderful and makes so much sense as her husband. We've had deep, personal conversations within hours of getting back together. It's amazing that we found each other again, and it's totally amazing that we found each just as I was moving here.

While unique, this isn't totally unlike my other close friendships. I met my dear friend Tricia the summer after my freshman year of college. We taught together in a summer program and became immediate friends. Her older sister had graduated from the school I was attending for college. We'd both been swimmers, had interest in education, and just -- I don't know -- meshed well. Our students thought we'd been friends for years. After that summer, we never lived near each other again. I visited her at UVA, and she came down to Davidson -- maybe one time each direction. I went abroad for a year, her for a semester. We met each other's boyfriends and supported each other when those relationships ended. Tricia was my maid of honor at my wedding, and I was a matron of honor at hers. She flew to Chicago for a super-brief visit (she's a very overworked corporate attorney) to be able to attend my baby shower a year ago, and in three weeks, I'll have the honor of being at hers. Sometimes we go a long time without talking, and occasionally it makes me nervous. I worry that we've grown apart, that Tricia has a full life without me and doesn't need the work of keeping up with someone so far away. But inevitably something brings us back together, and we reconnect and give the friendship new life.

My friend Kim is a similar story. We both attended North Carolina Governor's School the summer between our junior and senior years of high school. We were both there for English -- her for poetry, me for prose (Her experience must have been more formative, as Kim just finished her MFA in poetry. She writes, teaches, and edits a poetry journal). Kim and I stayed in touch, mostly through snail mail, for some time. The last time we saw each other was during our sophomore year of college. Then when I got pregnant with Oliver, she started reading my blog. And we got back in touch. We chatted through email. And after Oliver was born, she started asking questions, about deciding to have a baby, getting ready for pregnancy. And then suddenly, she was pregnant. And this weekend, I'll get to see her again for the first time in about ten years -- almost 8 months pregnant and surrounded by friends and family gathered to celebrate her wiggle baby.

I sometimes wonder why my close friends fall in this pattern. Most people have friends from childhood, but I don't really. That makes sense, though, since I moved around so much. Most people have friends from college, and while I keep in touch with several college friends, those closest to me from those years were people with whom I had a short, intense relationship and then didn't see for a while. Am I just annoying in person?

The one nice thing about having friendships that have lasted through the years in this way is that everyone is welcome to keep up or not keep as time permits. We visit when we can. We write when we can. We chat on the phone when we can. And when we can't, we all rest assured that in time, it'll happen -- and it will be like no time has passed at all.